Why You Actually Don't Want a "Well-Trained" Dog

Written By Tracy Franken

I’m just going to come right out and say it.

You don’t actually want a well-trained dog.

There. I said it.

I know, I know, that probably sounds completely backwards coming from a dog trainer.

But hear me out, friend.

When most people say they want a "well-trained dog," what does that actually look like in your head?

Are you walking down the street with your dog in a perfect, rigid heel?

Are they stopping on a dime and doing fancy roundabouts or "two-step jingle-jangles"?

Honestly, I don't even know the fancy words for half that stuff... that's how much I'm not into it.

The truth is, for most of us, that's not the goal.

And once we get clear on what you actually want, everything else gets so much easier.

And I am all about making life easier for you. 🐾

The "Comparison Trap" (And My Moment of Shame)

I have a confession to make.

Even as a professional, I still fall into the comparison trap.

Yes, even me.

The other day, I was thinking about taking my dog, Gunther, to a seminar.

I haven't been to a seminar in ages, and I was actually really excited about the idea of a road trip, just me and the Gun-dog.

But then, I did the thing we all do.

I started scrolling through Facebook.

I saw a photo of someone else with their dog. Same breed as Gunther.

It was a beautiful shot, the dog was looking up at the owner with this perfect, intense focus.

I’d seen videos of this dog doing incredible recalls and "perfect" sits.

And I immediately felt that familiar sting of shame.

I looked at Gunther and thought, "Oh man, I need to get my together. My dog doesn't look like that."

I started spiraling.

"I'm going to look like an idiot at this seminar. People are going to think I haven't done anything with him."

I was literally ready to drop everything and start a frantic "training" schedule just so I wouldn't be embarrassed in front of strangers.

Have you ever been there?

Making decisions for your dog based on how you think you are going to be perceived?

It’s okay to put your hand up. I’m raising mine right along with you. 🙋‍♀️

Exploring, sniffing and playing isn’t traditional training… but it’s not nothing! ;-)


Proving Something vs. Building Connection

In that moment of panic, I realized I was about to betray Gunther.

I was about to trade all the trust and communication we’ve built for a "perfect heel" that doesn't even matter to our daily lives.

From the outside, a "traditional" trainer might look at my life with Gunther and say I haven't done "enough."

I haven't spent hours on commands.

I haven't been constantly correcting him to make him perfect.

But do you know what I have been doing?

I’ve been building a relationship where he feels safe enough to have fun.

I’ve been building a partnership where he wants to check in with me just to show me a cool stick he found.

Or, more accurately, to show me the horse poop he discovered in the field. 💩

The moment I switched into "I need to prove something to someone," I lost the connection.

I felt frantic. I felt pressured.

And guess what? Our dogs sense that energy shift instantly.

When "training" becomes another stressful item on your To-Do list, the joy vanishes.

And if there’s no joy, what are we even doing this for?

Imagine a Life Without the Pressure

Take a deep breath for a second.

Imagine waking up and not feeling like your dog is a "project" that needs fixing.

Imagine going for a walk and not caring if your dog stops to sniff for "too long" or doesn't sit perfectly at every curb.

Instead of a "well-trained" dog, imagine having a partner.

A partner who:

  1. Trusts you to guide them through scary situations.

  2. Feels safe enough to explore the world with confidence.

  3. Checks in with you because they want to, not because they’re afraid of a correction.

When we drop the "obedience" act, we make room for the magic.

The magic happens in the "perfectly imperfect" moments.

It's the way your dog sighs when they settle next to you on the couch.

It's the silly "zoomies" they get when they're truly happy.

It's the way they look at you when they've found the "best stick ever" and just have to share it with you.


Why Traditional Training Often Fails Fearful Dogs

Are you worried that if you don't "train" more, your dog will never get better?

I hear this from my clients all the time.

They’ve taken the classes. They’ve read the books. They’ve chopped the chicken wieners into tiny bits.

And yet... it still doesn't feel "right."

It feels like something is missing.

Usually, what’s missing isn't more training. It's understanding.

If you have a fearful or reactive dog, "obedience" is often just a mask.

You can force a dog to sit while they are terrified inside, but you haven't actually helped them.

You’ve just taught them to suppress their feelings.

That’s why I’m a "Gentle Contrarian" when it comes to standard dog training.

It’s not about the commands. It’s about the trust.

If your dog is yapping at the neighbour’s dog, they don't need a firmer "sit."

They need to know that you’ve got their back.

They need to know that they are safe.

Step-by-Step: Moving Beyond Obedience

If you’re ready to stop the comparison spiral and start enjoying your dog again, here is how we walk that journey together:

Step 1: Laugh it off.
Next time you feel that "I should be further along" feeling, catch yourself. Laugh. Realize that "behind" is a made-up rule. You are exactly where you need to be.

Step 2: Embrace the "Love Bug."
Your dog isn't a Malinois climbing walls (unless they are!). If you have a goofy love bug who just wants to sniff things, embrace that. You can't turn a Chihuahua into a Malinois, and you shouldn't want to!

Step 3: Focus on Partnership, Not Performance.
Ask yourself: "Is this for me, or is this for my dog?" If you’re training a command just to look good in front of the neighbors, let it go. Focus on what helps your dog feel safe and happy.

Step 4: Join a Supportive Community.
You don't have to do this alone. When "life gets lifey," you need people who get it.

That’s exactly why I created The Fearless Framework.

It’s my 12-month online coaching program designed specifically for dog lovers who are tired of the cookie-cutter training.

We don't do "perfect" here. We do real.

We support each other, we laugh at the "ding dong" moments, and we focus on building that deep, unbreakable trust.


You Are the Person Your Dog Thinks You Are

At the end of the day, your dog doesn't care about your "Leadership Scorecard."

They don't care if you looked like an idiot at the seminar.

They think you are the most amazing person in the world.

So, my friend, get out there today and try to be the person your dog thinks you are.

Shake off the pressure.

Enjoy the sticks.

Enjoy the "perfectly imperfect" partner at the end of the leash.

Life is far too short to have a "perfectly trained" dog.

Here for you! 🐾

Tracy Franken
CEO, Beyond Obedience

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